Wednesday, April 11, 2012

High Top Hysteria - D-Day

High Top Hysteria is running pretty high in Cuse Nation these days. As we are always a trusted news source, Lots of Pulp is here to help you make sense of all the mayhem and destruction leading up to April 11, and his ultimate decision. 
Tick tick tick ...
High Top Hysteria Update - April 11, 2012 - D-DAY HATH ARRIVED

Click here to read all the High Top Hysteria Updates

Nerlens News
No.1 and No. 2 Players Exclusive School Announcements on ESPNU Signing Day Special (ESPN Media Zone)

We all knew Nerlens' announcement, alongside Shabazz Muhammad, would be aired on ESPNU. But what we didn't know, might set the stage for what's coming ... or not.
Throughout the show, ESPNU will speak with top NCAA coaches from around the country, including John Calipari of the recently-crowned National Champion Kentucky Wildcats. 
ESPN has been in the know all along on this. That's why they made him put it off until the 11th, so they could televise it with Shabazz. They knew his decision weeks ago. So they're programming accordingly.

The first, and most reasonable theory, is they know at least one, if not both, of these guys are going to Kentucky. So they want to get Calipari's reaction. He's going to gloat on camera again, and we will all want to puke. Yay!

However, there is an alternate option. Bob Knight works for ESPN. He can be influential because if he yells at you, you immediately curl into a ball and cry. It's natural.

"Suck it, John"

Bob Knight also HATES John Calipari so much, he won't even say the program's name on television. Maybe Knight has coordinated a night of embarrassment for Calipari, where his two prized recruits spurn him like a jilted lover on the alter, and Knight comes out from behind the curtain and points and laughs at him on camera. This seems highly possible.

Nerlens Notes

Tell me about it Nerlens, I've been wearing the same boxers since you asked if Fab Melo was declaring for the draft a good week ago. Why you ask? Because I'll take any little sign and cling to it dearly in the hopes that you will take my Orange to the promised land. So don't lecture me about stress. 

For serious, though, it is a tough decision. But wherever he decides to go, he'll likely be there only a year (or less if he declares and decides to Fab Melo the rest of his class schedule) and will still be a top-3 NBA draft pick. That is, unless he goes to Georgetown. Then he'll have to cut his hair, pivot the entire game on the high post, and wear pink shorts with boat shoes to fit in.

Nerlens Nonsense
The biggest question that people keep asking is, where will Nerlen's decide to go? 


But this is missing the much, much, bigger picture.

How the hell is he going to declare? We've seen with Dajuan Coleman that if you're going for dramatic and traditional, you go with the hats on the table.

Thing is, have you tried putting a hat on a 10 inch flat top? It's not easy.

So how does he decide?

Does he do as @NunesMagician says, and literally pull something out of his hair?

Does he do as @OrangeChuck suggests, and tear open his dress shirt to reveal the logo of the school he's chosen?

Or does he do as Lots of Pulp has suggested, and cover up the high top, only to reveal a fantastically dyed indicator?

So many questions. Thankfully everything will be answered tonight.

Nerlens Nostradamus 

Before we make one final prediction, let's recap the rollercoaster ride of predictions from the past week. Our sources have been reliable throughout, and they show a conflicted young man, but the message is clear.

April 3 - Orange
April 4 - Orange
April 5 - Blue
April 6 - Orange
April 9 - Orange
April 10 - University of Phoenix

We heard today that the University of Phoenix was unable to offer a full scholarship to Noel, so despite his desire to earn his bachelor's in Criminal Justice Administration, Nerlens will have to look elsewhere.

Is there any other choice?

The votes are in, and the overwhelming favorite to land Nerlens Noel is your Syracuse Orange. The Wildcats gained some momentum on April 5, thanks to University Union's plans on ruining the Syracuse experience for every student. But thankfully, "Vanilla Cake" is a powerful force to deny. See you in the Fall, Nerlens. You can start your own Block Party then. Pin It Now!

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