Wednesday, December 28, 2011

How Fab became a block machine

There's been a lot of speculation about how Fab Melo developed into a legitimate force down low this season. Is he just in better shape than last year? Did he need a year to adjust to the college game? Is he more mature mentally and physically?

The real reason is more simple. He stole Patrick Ewing's talent.

Ewing's talent has been stolen before

First the athletic ability ... then the Melo Hawk. It all points to Fab Melo turning into the latest Monstar to steal Ewing's talent.

We know you're actually a tiny alien, Fab

Tonight, Melo already has eight blocks at the half. There is no other explanation for this.

What are you so sad about? You didn't
have any talent left at this point.
Also, Georgetown still sucks. Pin It Now!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

IT'S THE BIG FAR EAST: Ambitious and Overseas Moves Stabilize Conference

Providence, RI (AP)
December 21, 2011

The Big East ignores the latter portion of its name, but relishes the first. As in Big. And it will continue to expand as the league has made plans to add three schools for the 2012-13 year. The University of Phoenix, Peking University, and the New Jersey Institute of Technology will be invited to a league that now boasts over 20 schools across the globe.

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Monday, December 19, 2011

What happens if you get too excited while watching 'Cuse Basketball?


Someone get this guy a tissue

Related post: A public service announcement to Syracuse sports fans
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Dear Mr. Pederson

Hello, my name is Greg Robinson. I've noticed that your football program is going through a bit of a rough patch. As a successful football coach, I can still observe the want-to from Pittsburgh. I see young men who can flash and excel. It is because of such great potential that I am writing to you to request an interview for the head coaching position.

I've attached my resume below. I've included photos. I find it helpful when I'm reading to have a picture to refer to, or be distracted by. If you're interested, and I'm sure you are, contact me at:

- Bakersfield College (1970-71)
Major: Public Speaking
GPA: Flashes of 3.5

- University of the Pacific (the Ocean)
Major: Blossoming into a young man
GPA: Couldn't tell you.

- UCLA (Defensive Coordinator 1982-89): It was the 80s, it was wild. But we had good times with football. Played some great games.

- NY Jets (DL 1990-93, Defensive Coordinator 94): I moved on after '94, they went 3-13 next season. After that, they went 1-15. I'm pretty sure the team was disbanded after those seasons.
- Denver Broncos (DC 1995-2000): Thanks to our defense picking up the slack from some no-name quarterback, we won two Super Bowl titles.

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#Shamarko's Worldwide Workout

Seems as if #Shamarko's Worldwide Workout was actually a covert op.

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When's the Last Time You've Visited Your Doctor?

When Mark Gottfried fired up the Cuse to pop off, it was time to send in the Doctor.

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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Gunnin' For That #1 Spot

Sure, it's December and rankings don't really matter. But the positive attention is nice. Go ahead. Smile. Nod your head. Keep it rollin'.

For more 44 second videos, click here.
For more videos from Lots of Pulp Studios, click here.

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Monday, December 12, 2011

Jim Boeheim Staring Down Things

Lots of Pulp has branched out into the world of tumblr, with our new pet project "Jim Boeheim Staring Down Things.

What is it?
How nice of you to ask. It's a page where we'll simply post photos of Jim Boeheim Staring Down Things (or pretty much anything we find entertaining). Anyone can add to the tumblr as well by contributing their own photos.

How can I contribute?
It's so easy! Just click on the button that says "Submit Your Own" and upload a photo (and caption, if you'd like). 

So I can just post things like boobs on there?
Not quite, we'll still approve posts, but basically if it's Boeheim staring at something, we'll likely put it up. If it's Boeheim staring AT BOOBS, we'll DEFINITELY put it up.

That sounds amazing! Where do I start?
I'm glad you're so excited. We are too! Just click on this handy-dandy link and upload away -
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Friday, December 9, 2011

Top 5 excuses for the "Crash of the Titans"

Get it? Mount Olympus? Crash of the Titans?
 More bad jokes to follow:

5. Isn't this the shortcut to Lucy's?

4. OMG worst sober sister EV-ER

3. Fab Melo was coming for my wiper knob!

2. I thought I saw Mark Schwarz on the sidewalk.

And your number one reason....
1) This isn't the Chancellor's Wall? Shit.

In all seriousness, hope you're OK driver. If you're looking to go off-roading, just swing by the Georgetown campus next time. Pin It Now!

Friday, December 2, 2011


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Oh, hello there. Been a while, right?

As you well know, things aren't exactly peachy up in the 'Cuse right now. Since we didn't want to just be one more voice yelling about the disturbing events, and since we like to keep things light, we took a brief reprieve.

Yet, this weekend offers up some good distractions for Syracuse fans, so we'll stick to those instead of the unfortunate situation which has already sadly affected too many people.

Is it February?
Twitter posts have hinted that 30,000 fans might pack the Dome tonight for basketball in an effort to #BeatGators. Usually that's reserved for a UConn or Georgetown

Much can be said about the game strategies, matchups and how this huge contest is a true test for the Orange.

Instead, we'll focus on the head coach of the Gators. Is this the best time to be making fun of other coaches or programs? Well, why not?

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Baller's Backups - Trevor Cooney

You've met Agent Waiters, Baye Moussa Fusillo, $coop Jardine and the Brazilian Belushi. They are at the core of a multi-talented SU team, not only of ballers, but working professionals.

Yet while those players have to multitask to hone skills, Trevor Cooney can spend a little time on shooting, but much more on spinning.

Sure, he's been called the next G-Mac, or Rautins 2.0, but Cooney wants to make a name for himself. And not just on the court in the Dome. But on the turntables in clubs across CNY this winter as well.

Trevor Cooney:
Profession: DJ
Title: DJ Redshirt
Catchphrase: "Georgetown ... tell me how my ass tastes"
Playlist: Slow Jams and Miley for Mookie, underground tracks that won't hit the big-time till next year.

To read all of the "Baller's Backups" on Lots of Pulp, click here.
To read The Post-Standard Q&A, where this series was inspired from, click here.
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A public service announcement to Syracuse sports fans

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Friday, November 11, 2011


Remember what happened last time SU played on a Friday? Doug does ...

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Thursday, November 10, 2011

Baller's Backups - Fab Melo

Had enough of our series on backup plans for SU hoops players? Of course not. Let's move on.

Fab Melo has been called many things in his brief time at SU. Unfortunately, funny, isn't one of the most popular, which is a shame. Just check out some of these jokes after the jump. It's no wonder Fab said he would be a stand-up comedian if he wasn't playing basketball.

Profession: Stand-up comedian
Title: Brazilian Belushi
Catchphrase: "... and she said, 'Fab-U-Lous'"
Specialty: First jokes aren't that good, but he gets better over time.

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Baller's Backups - Scoop Jardine

You've already met the working world versions of Baye Keita and Dion Waiters. It's now time for the man who is primed to be successful, wherever his next career step takes him. Scoop Jardine.

Based on his proficiency on camera, you could imagine Scoop would follow the route of broadcaster or a TV personality. Inside Scoop, a platform on which Mr. Jardine discusses issues of the world, would open to staggering ratings, as a rival of the Daily Show and Real Time with Bill Maher.

Yet instead, Scoop wants a faster route to fame and fortune. Wall Street. Unfortunately, now is not the best time to break in, but we're guessing Scoop is just a big Michael Douglas fan.

So, yes, Scoop's alter-ego is part of the 1%, in striking contrast to his working man image on the hardwood.

Scoop Jardine - "On Wall Street"
Profession: Working on the NYSE floor
Title: Inside Scoop
Favorite Sayings: "I don't throw darts at a board. I bet on sure things. Coach Boeheim once told me, every battle is won before it is ever fought."
It's not always the most popular person who gets the job done."
"Lunch is for wimps, except when Chipotle or Cheesesteaks are on the menu."
Specialty: Quick sellers, high turnover, not afraid to pull the trigger on high-risk stocks.

Flummoxed on the floor.

Inside Scoop winces as Qdoba's stock overtakes Chipotle.

To read all of the "Baller's Backups" on Lots of Pulp, click here.
To read The Post-Standard Q&A, where this series was inspired from, click here.
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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Baller's Backups - Baye Keita

Next up, in our ongoing series about some thrilling backup plans for SU hoops players if their playing careers were not an option, is the always entertaining Baye "don't call me Moussa" Keita.

It's hard to say where exactly Baye began to dream of a career as a car salesman. Scholars maintain there was a huge influence on him at some point. The thought of huuge commissions for selling Kias in the Northeast gave Baye a huuuge appreciation for the U.S. economy. Baye even considered how huuuuge that payout could be if he brought it back to his native Senegal.

Profession: Car Salesman
Dealership: Keita's Kia
Saying: "Extra legroom is a must!"
Specialty: Nothing flashy, but gets you from Point A to Point B

To read all of the "Baller's Backups" on Lots of Pulp, click here.
To read The Post-Standard Q&A, where this series was inspired from, click here. Pin It Now!

Baller's Backups - Dion Waiters

I have to imagine the most recent Post-Standard off-beat basketball story came from Donna Ditota. Not only does she break down the 2-3 zone, but she's the engineer of the Scoop and Wes (Now Kris) Show, and fills us in with everything from the players' warmup music to kicks.

With the questions and terrific answers up for all to see, we've decided to delve a step deeper as basketball season heats that the hard work has already been done.

Off the bat, we've decided to focus on Baller's Backups - plans the players disclosed if balling wasn't an option.

First up? Dion Waiters:

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Friday, November 4, 2011

A Special #BeatUConn

Thanks for the initial photoshop work, Daily News. A few years ago, they ran this spread along with an article about how Syracuse returned to several traditions, including the burning of the previous season's cleats.

But this is an upgraded, and much more accurate image of what actually happened that crisp night in Upstate NY.

We now know the Fire Monster also exorcises demons of the Syracuse past (the ghost is post 2001 pasqualoni, for reference), and he does it simply with his eyes.

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Sure, we don't have to call it the Coach P Bowl. It's just another game. One Syracuse really needs.

Which means, the fire monster spares no one.

Keep an eye out for a bonus fire monster post soon. He's not finished. Pin It Now!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Many Emotions of Paul Pasqualoni

Although he is now removed from the Syracuse community, Orange fans will never forget the stature of Paul Pasqualoni.

Much can be said about his coaching strategies and whether it was truly time for him to go.

But nothing can be argued about this fact:
Coach P has always been a distinguished man, one of many styles and looks.

With just a slight variance in tie, jacket or the smallest twinge in his face, Coach P bears his feelings for all to see:

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Dewey Defeats Truman!

The Post-Standard Twitterfeed experienced a bit of a technical glitch this morning. Many unsuspecting Syracuse fans opening up Twitter for the first time at 9 a.m. this morning were greeted with a bit of a scare ...

 Syracuse Basketball 

Le Moyne stuns Syracuse in exhibition basketball game 

Needless to say, some people did not take this well.

 Hoya Suxa 

I'm going to burn the Post-Standard to the ground. RT : Le Moyne stuns Syracuse in exhibition game 

But that got us thinking about some other prank Tweets @PSBasketball could have sent out to stir up the masses (note the time stamps).

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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Pictorial Recap - Exhibition #1

Thanks to the wonderful shots from's Dennis Nett, we can summarize last night's exhibition game, along with some Big East news, with pictures.

Less run on sentences for me + less reading for you = team win.

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How Chipotle turned Fab Melo into a (skinny) star

People have written some nasty things about Chipotle in recent years. It's been blamed for everything from Scoop Jardine's performance on the court to the recent Snow-poc-a-lypse in Connecticut (just wait ... you'll see).

But in defense of Chipotle, it can have some very positive effects on Syracuse basketball.

There was one universal reaction to the SU basketball team's exhibition last night. Seth Davis was right.

 Seth davis 
I've been standing here wondering where Fab Melo is. He's been here the whole time--I just didn't recognize him. Lost weight in his face.

So how did Fab lose all that weight? Chipotle, of course. Still don't believe me? Well, I think it went something like this ...

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Thursday, October 27, 2011

WVU classier than Syracuse? Try again.

So the Post-Standard decided to print a letter to the editor from a former West Virginia resident about the lack of class by Syracuse fans on Friday night. The author complains of chants and booing directed towards the classiest fans on the Eastern Seaboard - West Virginia faithful

Having been part of the awesome tailgating scene and great atmosphere in the Dome that night, this tells me two things.

1) The Syracuse Football fans in Syracuse showed up, were loud, were proud, and added a slight touch of perfectly acceptable hostility. "You suck" and booing really bothers you? Oh boy, just wait.

2) This writer should probably open these letters from WVU's president and AD in his or her inbox.

Hey WVU fans, please stop embarrassing us - Oliver Luck

Hey WVU fans, please stop throwing things and also embarrassing us - WVU President Jim Clements.

Yes, that's MUCH classier.

I was really impressed by the crowd on Friday night. Lets keep that momentum going. Just remember, next time you're at a game, politely clap for the opposing fans. Pin It Now!

Family. It Really Does Run Deep.

When Dajuan Coleman was being recruited by Syracuse, images of DC flashed before every Cuse fan's eyes. Since Dajuan is a hefty PF, and so was the original DC, it's clear the two are related.
Derrick and Dajuan. Family Forever.

With possibly one of the most dynamic sets of relatives set to rewrite the Syracuse record books, we take a look at some other excelling Syracuse athletic figures tied by the same bloodlines.

Don McPherson, Dick MacPherson
Clearly there is nothing here that would suggest that:
a) their names are actually spelled differently.
b) they are anything less than first cousins.

CJosh Fairpace
No disputing here. Book it. Picked up playing styles from each other during driveway basketball.

Shamarko and Phillip love the US. And their family.
Hard-hitting. Relentless. Hermanos.

Andy and Leo. Feel like this one might be true.
Not sure about this one. Think this may have been brought up once or twice.
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