Thursday, April 26, 2012

32 Teams, 1 Chandler Jones: Day 5

Chandler Jones' name has appeared all over the draft charts, from the middle of the first round all the way to the end of the fourth round or lower. It seems @ChanJones99 could wind up anywhere, so Lots of Pulp will try to predict his future with all 32 NFL teams leading up to the draft.

Click here to read other posts from the Chandler Jones Series
32 Teams, 1 Chandler Jones: Day 1
32 Teams, 1 Chandler Jones: Day 2
32 Teams, 1 Chandler Jones: Day 3
32 Teams, 1 Chandler Jones: Day 3 Part Deux
32 Teams, 1 Chandler Jones: Day 4

Green Bay Packers

Projected draft pick: 28
Projected position: OLB
Projected playing time: Backup OLB with more playing time in pass rush situations opposite Clay Matthews. 35% snaps.
Projected Stats: 4.0 Sacks
Sack Celebration: Discount Double Check
Favorite teammate: Jordy Nelson
Rookie Hazing task: Hanging out with this girl

Baltimore Ravens

Projected draft pick: 29
Projected position: DE/OLB
Projected playing time: Starting DE with occasional snaps at OLB, 65% of snaps.
Projected Stats: 6.0 Sacks
Sack Celebration: Re-mix of Ray Lewis' dance (to take over when he retires)
Favorite teammate: Jameel McClain (I don't know who this OTHER JONES is)
Rookie Hazing task: Doing Arthur's laundry between practices

San Francisco 49ers

Projected draft pick: 30
Projected position: DE/OLB
Projected playing time: Backup in rotation with Aldon Smith and Ahmad Brooks, among others. 25% snaps, including special teams
Projected Stats: 2.0 Sacks
Sack Celebration: Panning for gold
Favorite teammate: Isaac Sopoaga
Rookie Hazing task: Jim Harbaugh's security guard for postgame handshakes

New York Giants

Projected draft pick: 32
Projected position: DE
Projected playing time: Fourth DE in rotation with Tuck, Umenyiora, and Pierre-Paul, grooming for one of the Tuck/Umenyiora spots for the future. 20% snaps.
Projected Stats: 3.5 Sacks
Sack Celebration: Bradying
Favorite teammate: Jason Pierre-Paul
Rookie Hazing task: Listening to Tom Coughlin's endless stories about the glory days at Syracuse, when they used to play outside, and men were men 

Atlanta Falcons

Projected draft pick: 55
Projected position: DE
Projected playing time: Starting DE opposite John Abraham, 75% snaps.
Projected Stats: 6.5 Sacks
Sack Celebration: Reviving the Dirty Bird
Favorite teammate: John Parer-Wilson (Because he's so dreamy!)
Rookie Hazing task: Picking up the tab at the Gold Club for the D-Line

New Orleans Saints

Projected draft pick: 89
Projected position: DE
Projected playing time: Beats out Cameron Jordan for starting spot opposite Will Smith, 65% snaps
Projected Stats: 5.5 Sacks
Sack Celebration: Raining bounty money on the QB's corpse
Favorite teammate: Will Smith (He gets jiggy wit it)
Rookie Hazing task: Bounty payout accountant

Oakland Raiders

Projected draft pick: 95
Projected position: DE
Projected playing time: Starting DE, 70% of snaps
Projected Stats: 6.5 Sacks
Sack Celebration: Crackhead Dance

Favorite teammate: Sebastian Janikowski
Rookie Hazing task: Playing Dungeons and Dragons with Raiders fans
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