Friday, August 5, 2011

The New Code of Conduct

By now, you know that SU football players are committing crimes faster than former UConn player AJ Price can say “laptop.”

With 27 days left till the beginning of the 2011 Football season, and a need to finally have a full roster, Doug Marrone is tightening up his team's conduct policy. It's not BYU – you're still allowed caffeine – but things are going to be quite different:

Transportation will be provided by 4SU Taxi

  • Most are outfitted with Playstations and DVD Players. There's your on board entertainment Mr. Sales.
  • Tandem bicycles will be provided for others who do not opt for the taxis.

DARE classes are mandatory and are each Thursday night

  • Led by the coaching staff, local law enforcement and Tyrone Wheatley as Daren the Lion.

The only placed you're allowed to eat off campus is Tully's – where only good times occur.

Friday nights will be team togetherness night. You will have the following options:
  • Bologna and Gatorade social with the Marrone's.
  • Styling your hair and re-enacting Risky Business at Charlie Loeb's.
  • Twister with Chandler Jones...good luck
  • Preparing for a post-football career in Small Business with Adam Harris.
  • Dinner and a movie with hospitality and food service major Marquis Spruill

Saturday nights will consist of the entire team heading to Macky MacPherson's parents' house

  • Watch tape of 1980s teams and play boggle.

While not attending any of these events, the SUper entourage system will be in effect. 

  • All scholarship players must be accompanied at all times by two linemen (muscle), one team manager (designated driver) and one walk-on (fall guy).

These rules are non-negotiable.

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