Saturday, August 6, 2011

20 Reasons to be Excited for Syracuse Football - #18

As we move closer to the 2011 Syracuse football season, Lots of Pulp will be counting down the top 20 reasons to be excited for the new year.

The Charleston Chew. Born in 1922 as a “flavored nougat covered in chocolate flavor coating” the popular candy bar has developed past just chocolate. It now is available in vanilla and strawberry as well. Were you aware there was once a banana flavor? Neither was I. Ah, wikipedia, please feed me more – I don't know enough.

Before we get there, I present the 18th reason to be excited for football season.

#18 – Van Chew Jokes and Storylines

- Well, Van “Charleston” Chew crosses one right off the list. So let's learn some more about his favorite candy.

“Mini Charleston Chews" are a bite-sized, similarly-shaped version of the candy bar, introduced in 1998. The original packaging for Charleston Chews was a grey box that had the brand name in small red font at the bottom of the box. Freezing them results in a whole new experience with them shattering with ease when chewed.”


- Put Van in Syracuse, freeze the poor guy in the tundra, and shatter with ease he does. Damn. Get this man in a sauna. All day, all night. Then, Tootsie Roll productions may have themselves a new spokesman, or even a new Orange Nougat flavor. How's that sound?

- Turns out Van Chew went to high school at Centreville, VA. So Centreville Chew is probably best.

- Andrew Tiller could eat three Van Chews and still have room for a little Marrone breast.

How much are these gonna run me, coach?
On to the story lines you'll hear over and over:

- Did you know that Van Chew is skinny? Van needs to chew on a bit more food. Awful name puns.

-It turns out he hates candy bars and instead feeds on a diet devoid of any protein. Coming into camp as a freshman, Van Chew was listed at 165, but according to the Post Standard, really tipped the scales at 150.

"In a forest of redwoods, he was a splinter. Anyone who saw the skinny kid walk past figured he was destined to spend his career collecting splinters on the bench. SU coach Doug Marrone was among them, at least at first." - via the Post Standard.


Now, get ready for every announcer to use the strange terms of how much he weighed soaking wet (honestly what does that even mean? When are you ever weighed wet?). And make sure to pay special attention to announcers giving you diet tips if you'd like to gain some extra weight: “Van got all the way up to 170 by eating peanut butter jelly sandwiches and drinking milk.” I think that's popularly termed the "fat toddler" diet.

You can't steal my milk money anymore!
- Turns out Van bit off a little more than he could Chew (oops there's another) when he was pushing himself towards outstanding numbers halfway through last year. Van saw very little action in the last 5 games of the season due to a sports hernia. Huh? I thought hernias were something you could get from pushing too hard when you were hitting the porcelain.

Regardless of all these jokes and storylines Van is constantly reminded of, he is one of the most likeable players on the team.

We'd all love that by the end of the year, he'll have earned the nickname Big League Chew.

Click here to read all the 20 Reasons to be Excited for the upcoming season.
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