Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Idiot's Guide to Winning the Fulmer Cup

Old friend Josh Wright has some
advice for the football team
So by now we've all been able to settle into the news that this past weekend was just a bit of a tough one for Syracuse football. The depression is seeping in as people try to claim “we'll be fine” although it's clearly at least one gaping hole in our depth chart.

But let's look at the positive here. If we're going to go the thug route, let's just go balls deep. I mean, SEC deep.

Doug likes to offer his life skills classes? Well we're here to offer alternative credits.

Here's the “Idiot's Guide to Winning the Fulmer Cup – the Syracuse Edition

***For those of you who don't know, the Fulmer Cup is given to the team with the worst criminal record.***

We brought in an esteemed guest speaker, Josh Wright, to give some pointers. Mr. Wright spoke about what the players can do to maximize their potential.

After the class, which was closed to the public, Mr. Wright pointed out several players that he feels could make a true difference for Syracuse.

Ryan Nassib
White-collar crime - bonus points

We'll let our favorite ESPN blogger, Andrea Adelson explain why Nassib could be a factor:
For the third straight summer, Nassib is working an internship with Leigh Baldwin & Co., an investment banking firm with a branch in Syracuse. He isn’t able to trade or sell, but he can learn from the brokers, do research for them and assist in whatever they need.
Look, Ryan, you're huffing it, fetching coffee, writing blog updates and even taking phone calls. For what? Peanuts and a little two line blurb on your resume? It's time to maximize your potential.

Ryan's been set up in a perfect situation,” Mr. Wright commented. “He's established a relationship of trust. Just enough to fool the bankers into opening themselves up for quite the thievery. And boy, that could be quite the haul.”

Andrew Tiller
Who could stop his P&C rampage?

Tiller has been manhandling defensive lineman for a while now, but it's time that he takes his acquired skills off the field. Syracuse athletes are usually given a Supercard (for food services) of several thousand dollars. To me, though, this seems unfair for a man of Tiller's size. If there is not some sort of differential for lineman, Tiller needs to go on a mission.

That dude Drew Tiller has got all the tools,” Mr. Wright stated in his post-class press conference. “Check out the hands – perfect for clubbing. His solid frame will make any sort of police takedown nearly impossible. Plus, I bet he can take a taser or two and shrug em off.”

The suggestion from Wright?

Take him down to P&C by South Campus and let him run wild, grabbing anything he can. His boys on the O-Line need to get fed more, those nasty dining halls ain't cutting it. Plus, check out the size of the interior D-Line. I took charges from dudes bigger than them.”

Charley Loeb
Jay Crew model or criminal?

As a Junior, Loeb hasn't seen many meaningful snaps on the field. But Wright singled him out as an important factor in the chase for the Fulmer Cup.

Loeb, while not possessing skills necessary for starting at Syracuse just yet, has some abilities that have remain untapped. Until now.
Who would you trust more?
Bernie or Charlie?

See my man Loeb right there? He's got ponzi-schemer written all over him,” Wright said. “First off, most people trust the quarterback. But more importantly, check out his jawline, chin, and smile. Pause. But really, he will charm everyone with his looks, fool them into investing with him and boom – payday. Plus, he hangs out with Ryan and can learn some of that financial lingo.

"See that's the type of teamwork we'll need to rise to the top."

Mr. Wright left the press conference stating that "there's a few more players y'all should look out for - just you wait."

The question is, who do you think would be able to commit the best offenses? Leave us your ideas in the comments.
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