Friday, March 30, 2012

Syracuse Lottery Wish List

In case you haven't heard, because you're blocking out the world in wake of SU not being in the final four, the Mega Millions Jackpot is pretty Mega right now. At the time of this writing, it's up to $640 million and will potentially rise even more.

So let's discuss what we good SU fans would use that money for ... other than strippers and cocaine ... I mean ... let's move on.

Syracuse Lottery Wishlist

5. A one-way ticket for Verne Lundquist and Aaron Craft to Nairobi. Then we'll pay to shut the airport down indefinitely and build a wall around their encampment. See how much you two love each other now!

4. Personal tutors for all the "student athletes" at SU. We're not talking sophomore bio majors here either. We're getting professors from every major school in the country to quit their jobs and do the athletes work mentor the athletes in their academic affairs.

3. A football facilities upgrade!!!! But not just any upgrade. This new dome, crafted in the likeness of Doc Gross' head, will feature ceilings that are 25 stories high for our future great punters, wide doorways for HCDM's mammoth thighs, and all the $44 bottles of perfume a young athlete could ever want.

2. SUperFan upgrades: New synthetic knees for the Dome Ranger. A shiny new Orange Blazer for Old Orange Blazer Guy. A full pure cotton towel suit for towel guy. Season tickets for life for Scoop's Dad. Orange Halos for everyone that sits in 311 Heaven. Some new sweaters for Neil Gold. And better covers for the cups for all of us, so THIS never happens again.

1. Painting Georgetown's entire campus, from the roads, to the trees, to the buildings and the grass, completely, obnoxiously Orange. Then we will purchase every supermarket within reasonable and unreasonable driving distance and turn it into a Syracuse-themed TopS Supermarket. And we will gladly pay the ticket that comes with peeing all over every sacred inch of that campus.

What would you do with $640 million? Let us know in the comments... Pin It Now!

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