Friday, September 30, 2011


Greg Schiano doesn't do life skills classes. What he does teach his players is "The Chop."

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What exactly is the purpose of attending "school" at Rutgers?

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Thursday, September 29, 2011


To our jealous little step-brother, these next few days of hate are for you.

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Perfecting Midnight Madness

By now, you've heard about the tremendous effort that Syracuse University is putting towards Midnight Madness this year. From an entertainment standpoint, it's clearly top of the barrel, A-list stars.

Current Lineup:
- Tone Loc
- Russian Bar Trio from "America's Got Talent"
- Deena (the other oompa loompa) from the "Jersey Show"

While SU has done a nice job so far, there are a few additions that could take the event to the next level.

Here are the suggestions:
- Bell Biv Devoe, singing their hit "Poison" with a special line for a former SU receiver.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

If Toledo ruled the world ...

By now we all know Toledo didn't get its way in trying to overturn the controversial loss to the Orange from Saturday. In the end, a loss is a loss, no matter how unfair it may or may not have been. But that got us thinking about what the world would be like if Toledo was able to change the past ...

Signing of the Declaration of Independence
Our forefathers stood around a table to sign the declaration of independence but it wasn't clear whether or not Thomas Jefferson used the proper quill to sign. The declaration, after being signed by all the colonies, was declared. Yet, because of the disputed signature, the document is torn up a day later. King George stomps out all American pride. No more NFL. Just soccer.
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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A letter to Mike Wilbon from Syracuse

***Editor's note: This was discussed at Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician this week, but I wanted to expand on it some more. Below is a transcript of Syracuse deciding to leave The Big East, akin to Mike Wilbon deciding to leave the Washington Post  in 2010. It's actually amazing how little I had to change.***

This is the first press conference I ever dreaded having, the only time I can recall experiencing that thing known as speechlessness. It's my last press conference for the Big East conference, 30-some years after my first one and 32 years after I walked in the door as a founding member. It's not Shirley Povich's 75 years but I hung around long enough to think it might last forever.

Sadly and of my own doing, I've come to that part in the program where it's time to say goodbye, where I need to tell fans, schools, conference leadership, even some of the people I've worked with over the years just how enormously grateful I am for their helping me have the greatest adventure imaginable.
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WEEK 4 Players of the Week - DOT Edition

Another exciting game for the Syracuse Orange leaves us with a new edition of our players of the week. This time, we'll honor the best of the best by their favorite mode of transportation.

Kevyn Scott - Amtrak
The senior captain would definitely choose Amtrak on Saturday, since his day - and the secondary in general - was filled with bumps along the ride. It sure as hell took longer than a plane, but at least Scott got us there in the end with that big interception in overtime.

Antwon Bailey and Prince Tyson-Gulley - Tandem Bike
What else would work for the partners in crime in the running game? Bailey and Tyson-Gulley asserted their will on Saturday, racking up 188 yards on 38 carries. Tyson-Gulley was electric for the first time this season, averaging more than six yards per carry, to take the front seat spot.

Oh, and these guys ...

The referees - Hot Air Balloon
Who the hell knows how those things work or where they'll end up? You're just happy to walk away in one piece at the end. Don't ask questions.

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Friday, September 23, 2011


And here's our weekly Thigh Monster making his appearance to crush the smaller, more inconsequential things in life:

Whoops. That didn't have anything to do with #BeatToledo. Here we are.

One more thing Doug Marrone hates? When the big hand and the little hand settle at the dozen count.
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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Who has the better Adonis?

This weekend marks a true clash of titans. A battle of foes so powerful, there can only be room for one to emerge from the rubble. Greek mythology could have never dreamed up such a formidable, apocalyptic battle ... or could it?

Adonis Ameen-Moore vs. Adonis Thomas, for the ultimate prize of GREATEST ADONIS EVER!

In case you didn't pay attention in 7th grade mythology class, here is Wikipedia's entry on the legend of Adonis.

Tale of the tape

The name Adonis comes from "Northwest Semitic antecedents," so Syracuse's Adonis picked the right school (not sure there are many Jews in Toledo) - +1 Ameen-Moore

Adonis was worshiped by "unspoken mystery religions," which is kind of like a school that comes out of nowhere and beats good teams. Sounds like Toledo - +1 Thomas

During the "Festival of Adonis," the plants sprang up soon and withered quickly. Sounds like Syracuse's offense against USC - +1 Ameen Moore

Adonis may be the spawn of a night of incest between Myrrha and her father, Theias. Sounds like a Thursday night in Toledo (Boom!) - +1 Thomas

The entry states: An extremely attractive youthful male is often called an Adonis. Which one of these guys looks like an Adonis to you?

As Tracy Jordan says ... "too small"
You think you can tackle THIS?

That's what I thought - +1 Ameen Moore

Final score: 3-2 Ameen-Moore. All your Adonises are belong to us!
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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Top 10 Reasons to Stop Whining and Enjoy the ACC

Whining is fun. A favorite activity of mine. But there comes a time when whining to just to suck it up and deal with it.

Syracuse is going to the Atlantic Coast Conference.

No matter how much you may want to believe otherwise (and you're of course welcome to), it's a reality.

Sure, we can look glowingly back on the past of the Big East. But now, let's see why this move will be a good thing.

Top 10 Reasons to Stop Whining and Enjoy the ACC

10. You can hate Duke and UNC - You already hated them, but now you can do it three times a year to their faces. Maybe we can even draw tears.

9. The chance to back up your smack - You thought Syracuse would pound any ACC team to the ground in basketball. Now you can prove it.

8. BC/Virginia Tech/Miami - We didn't forget how much we hated you
That's Joe Fields right? Right.

7. A big gripe about the move is the postseason tournaments. We've gotten the answer that hopefully the ACC tourney will rotate north (doesn't fix that we'll miss the magical BET). But what about the magical bowl game SU participated in last year with a great home field advantage?

The Pinstripe Bowl HAS to become an ACC game - One or both of the Big East and Big 12 will no longer exist in two years. ACC is the logical choice to replace that one in the next contract.

6. Football recruiting – even if the ACC isn't much better than Big East football, across the country (especially on the Atlantic Coast) the name is levels above. That alone should help boost football recruiting at least a little.

5. ACC Chearleaders - You're welcome

4. Home basketball games against Duke and UNC. I've always wanted to watch one of these games played at the Dome. There's something ingrained in many college basketball spectators' heads at the beginning of their fandom – hate Duke and UNC. Again, you get to hate them with 34,000 of your friends.

3. Replacing road trips to Cincinnati, Storrs and Piscataway with trips to South Beach, Charlottesville, and Chapel Hill - why are we mad about this again?
Definitely better than Piscataway. Toss up with Morgantown.
2. No more playing DePaul - Enough said.

Here it is, the number one reason. This hasn't been discussed yet, but it had to be the driving force behind the move...

1. Syracuse will not have to constantly deal with Tim Higgins, and much more importantly, Jim Burr! 
"A few more years of this shit and you would have killed me"

Last year, Higgins reffed zero ACC games. Burr only called two!

Soak it in. It can't be worse. So there you go. 

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Friday, September 16, 2011


It's week 3, and Che Marrone has the Orange 2-0.

He's gone out to the West coast to wreak havoc on another program. Flame them for their indiscretion!

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Lane Kiffin Has a "Message" for You

We're pretty sure this is how each "recruiting" trip goes at USC.


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Thursday, September 15, 2011

Top 10 Things Worse Than Being 2-0

There's been a bunch of negativity surrounding the Orange's 2-0 start.

Sure, it hasn't been pretty. But you know what? It's still 2-0. -- INSERT GENERIC QUOTE --wins being wins, ugly 2-0 better than pretty 0-2...

Seriously, though. Analysis is fine, but moan about the ugly 2-0 start if the team nosedives.

For now, Negative Nancies, here's something different so you can appreciate the 2-0 start.

TOP 10 Syracuse-Related Things Worse Than Being 2-0

10. Wearing a dynasty shirt and not realizing the definition on the front in no way fits the team you're rooting for.

9. Having a coward like Pat Dye as your head coach.

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Know your foe - USC

It's hard to keep up with all the teams in Division I football, especially those whose games start after you're already 12 beers deep on a Saturday night. So here's some help to get you up to speed with Syracuse's opponent on Saturday. Perhaps you've heard of these guys ...

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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Marrone is not the opposite of the best coach ever

I'm sure by now you've read Doug Marrone's postgame quote that "Syracuse isn't good enough to not enjoy a win." If my SU grammar slammer class taught me anything, it's that stinky + stinky = not stinky. Therefore, Doug is telling us Syracuse is AWESOME!

Let's explore some other Jedi mind tricks Marrone is using with double negatives ...

More after the jump ...

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Monday, September 12, 2011

WEEK 2 Players of the Week - Daydream Edition

Comparing the play of Syracuse to fast food this week would have been a disservice to the fine institutions of the strip malls.

While SU is an encouraging 2-0, a lot of emotions surround the program. Here are some thoughts we imagine our player of the week is having:

More after the jump...
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Forget how it happened, but the Orange are 2-0. For now, that's good.

The same can't be said about our jealous little brother.

 Go ahead, give a caption a try. It shouldn't be too hard. After the jump we'll do our best, because this is just too much fun.

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Friday, September 9, 2011


It's week two, and Che Marrone has the Orange 1-0.

He smells weakness, and a 2-0 start.

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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

This Week In: Fun with Screenshots

One of our favorite sources for information on the 'Cuse, Brent Axe, was gracious enough to begin a new show with master-scribe Bud Poliquin.

The show, titled "The Bud and Brent Show", gave us some good dialogue about three issues surrounding the current SU sports scene. Cast in a PTI like setting, the two debate with a nice back and forth right away.

Yet, with a few clicks, it's just too easy to have fun at the show's expense (more specifically UConn grad Bud). Here's how the pre-edited version might have actually sounded.

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Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Is it too early to start with #BeatRhody? Well, we're going to start.

When perusing the roster of URI looking for some info, one name jumps out: Ali Muhammad.

Great name, yes. But not this week.

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Chandler Jones' Quarterback Feast

This offseason, Chandler Jones unveiled his goal for the year:

"I have a goal that's pretty bizarre but people don't believe it, but I'm gonna do it. 30 sacks. People say, 'shoot for the stars and if you fall short, you'll land on the moon.' So 30 sacks is my goal."

In Week 1 against Wake Forest, Chandler Jones recorded half a sack, yet also had a rush of the passer that knocked out the Demon Deacon's first string QB. Chandler likely would have feasted more if he wasn't held so much.

Week Two's menu is uncertain. Chandler is not sure whether or not to eat now, or build up his appetite for a massive feast of California rolls at USC.

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Monday, September 5, 2011

WEEK 1 PLAYERS OF THE GAME - Fast Food Edition

After each Syracuse contest, we'll be bringing you players of the game.

But instead of boring you with statistics, we'll give you ridiculous analogies that will give you much more clarity than those numbers everyone talks about.

Van Chew
Wendy's - He's open late. Doesn't wow you until you're a bit more drunk.

Ryan Nassib
 Chipotle - Long lines lead to a slow start, yet once you need it, it's efficient. Tasty. Unexpected explosive activity late as well.

Antwon Bailey
Domino's - He'll wear you down and then wear you down some more. Just like when you really don't want Domino's. You fight it off, and then finally, it just gets to you. You fold. Wake Forest – this makes you the fat drunk one.

The Entire Defense 

Taco Bell - Foul for three quarters, the beef was questioned on Scott Shafer's unit. Thankfully something resembling meat filled the middle as the game approached midnight in the 4th and OT. Just in the nick of time.
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Thursday, September 1, 2011


You can't spell Grobe without GROB. Ugh.

That's enough of an attempt at wit...

Flame that miniature deacon motha****** Dougie!

Yea, I ate a snowball and it caught some serious fire.

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